On a Sunday

Hello my darlings.

My goodness I missed you all! I got into quite a rhythm this summer, going over to my brother and sister-in-law's house and studying for 8-9 hours each day. Towards the end I really started to feel like that was all my life was ever going to be. Studying for the bar and nothing else. No taking the bar. No passing the bar. No putting in mission papers. No going on a mission. No getting a job. No getting married. No owning my own home. No kids. Nothing. Just sitting in Tyler and Jessica's den studying all day. That was all there ever was. That was all there ever would be. It was an awful feeling. I am glad it is over, but sometimes now I forget that I have other things I need to do. I spent two months not doing them. Now I need to get back into the swing of things.

I had lots of ideas for what my first blog post back would be about. Like my adorable niece's first birthday party.

(Pictures to come, when blogger stops acting stupid.)

Or show you that I actually did something fun on the fourth of July.

Or talk about the Olympics and how much I love watching the competitions and how attractive swimmers are (Michael Phelps and Ryan Lochte anyone?) Whenever the Olympics are on and I watch the swimming I always wish I had done swim team in high school. I chose to do theatre instead and I'm not gonna lie, that was a terrible decision. I would have had more fun on swim team.

I was going to blog about so many wonderful things. I will still blog about some of them. However, something happened two weeks ago, and I started thinking that I should blog about it, in the hopes that my thoughts could help lots of people.

Remember this post? Well I said I'd blog more things like that from time to time, and I never did. Well, the time has come the Renny said, to talk of special things.

You see, the Monday before the bar exam my phone started ringing at 3 AM. It was my cousin and I thought, "ugh, why is he calling me so early in the morning?" I think somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind I knew that people only call at 3 AM with bad news. Its never, "I just won a million dollars and I want to share it with you!" Or "I'm bringing you fresh baked cookies!" No. He told me that my Aunt Sandy had passed away at 1 AM from a heart attack. She was 67, and so far as we knew, had no heart problems, so this came as quite a shock. I woke my mom up, and as I knocked on her door I thought, "uh, how do you wake someone up in the middle of the night to tell them their sister died??" So, I passed the buck and just said, "Aunt Carol is on the phone" so my Aunt Carol could tell her the news instead. Needless to say, the bar was Tuesday and Wednesday, and then on Thursday we piled into the car to drive to California for my Aunt's funeral.

We drove back home on Tuesday, then on Wednesday morning the phone rang. We never answer our house phone because we don't have caller ID anymore, and this is really the best way to avoid telemarketers. Well it turns out it was Hospice of the Valley, calling to tell my dad that his mother had passed away that morning. Timing eh?

So guys, lets talk about death. You see, some people might find it crazy, but I didn't really cry over my aunt or my grandmother, and I'm not really that sad about it. I know what you just said. "WHAT??" That is okay. Let me tell you why. You see, I believe that families can be eternal, and that family bonds do not end at death.

I don't mean that in some sort of "they're all around me" floating spirits kind of way. I mean in our physical bodies living together again. You see Christ overcame the bands of death when He rose the third day, and because He did, we will too.  The reason so many Mormons such as myself place getting married in one of our beautiful temples in such high importance is because a temple marriage is an eternal marriage. If you keep the covenants (two way promise with God) that you make at marriage, then it is not "til death do you part" but "for time and all eternity." That means when we become resurrected beings, just like Christ, we will live with our loved ones again.

At funerals I ponder on the life of the person that is gone. My Aunt and my Grandmother are two wonderful people that I love very much. Any sadness that I feel is selfishness really. Now, I don't mean that in a bad way. Losing a loved one IS hard, but the reason is because we miss them. We want them here with us, but they aren't anymore, that makes us sad, and that is okay. It is okay to have that time of selfish sorrow. When I think about where they are now, how can I possibly be sad when I know they are so happy? My aunt's oldest daughter passed away at the age of ten, in 1978. That is a long time to be separated from your child. Her husband died in 2008 after enduring years of illness and pain. She is reunited with him as well. My mom's father died in 1978 as well. She has so many family members waiting on the other side. Now she is unencumbered with her physical body which was causing her a great deal of pain. How can I sorrow at the knowledge of such joy?

My grandmother had been trapped in her physical body for years, lost in the dementia that kept her from being able to communicate with us. The sad part was watching her deteriorate, watching her lose her ability to speak, to recognize us, to walk, to sit. She was no longer the grandmother I knew as a child. Now she is able to walk, to be with my Grandfather, to be with parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins that have passed before. She can talk and laugh and remember again. So how can I be sad when I think of her?

That is the beautiful thing about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Death is a part of life. It gives us a glimpse into how our Heavenly Father felt when He sent us down to earth. He was separated from us, He missed us, but He knew we needed to come to earth, He gave us our physical bodies. If we could remember how great it was to be with God, we would fully realize how lucky our loved ones are, and recognize that maybe some of our sorrow is jealousy that we are still encumbered with the sorrows of the world that they have now moved beyond. In the end though, we will all overcome this earthly mortal existence. We will be restored to a much better version of ourselves, and we can be with our loved ones again for eternity. What could possibly be better than that?? Nothing. That is what.

That is all I have to say about that.


Anonymous said…
Everything you have written is true. I am your second.
Love, Mom
Brian & Kyla said…
Very well said Lindsey! (P.S. I hope you pass the bar!)
Ruth said…
So glad you are back and blogging! My heart goes out to you for your loss and rejoices with their gain.

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