Things I Cannot Do

One thing I forgot to add to that to- do list was "make sure you have your temple recommend."

See us Mormons believe that families can be together forever, that is why we get married in our beautiful temples. In those temples a marriage ceremony means that you are sealed for time and all eternity, not just until death do you part. My sister and her husband were married in the Mesa, Arizona temple. (My personal favorite... if that is really possible to pick...).

However, because of the sacred nature of temples not everyone can just walk in to one. You have to maintain certain standards, and you have to have a current temple recommend. Well, I have one, but I left it in Vermont.

Luckily, in just such situations someone who works at the temple can call your bishop (like a pastor) and make sure that you currently own a temple recommend and are worthy to use it (we are a record keeping church ya know) so I still was able to go to the ceremony, I just felt stupid for forgetting.

Anyway, the wedding was awesome as was being home, now I am back and I cannot convey to you how hard it is for me to care about school. I have hardly been studying for any of my finals and I just don't care.

I have never had senioritis before. In the past, whenever I was in that "last semester," it wasn't actually my last semester. After high school would be college, after college, law school. Now I am truly in my last semester (except for that who bar exam thing... lets just ignore that for right now please, otherwise I start to hyperventilate.) This entire semester I just keep telling myself, "all you have to do is pass. Just do enough to pass."

If you know me at all you know how insane that sounds. I am not a "just pass" kind of girl. I find getting Bs to be unacceptable. I lie awake at night thinking about all the not enoughness I am currently doing. I worry that despite my best efforts I am going to fail. I have nightmares about finals. I have to be the best, have to come out on top, have to push push push myself to win the race. Not now, not since January, not since the end came so close to my sights. Honestly, this semester law school has become a sprint and not a marathon. I have spent this entire semester being the hare napping under a tree and even now I'm not that worried about beating the tortoise.

I just spent six hours on an eight hour final and could not possibly have put in more time than that. I have one more final tomorrow, thankfully only two hours, that I haven't studied for at all. It is a beautiful day outside and I want to go on a hike, so getting much studying done today is doubtful, and I just don't care.

Just pass. All I have to do is pass. By this time tomorrow law school will be done and I can focus on studying for the bar. The nightmares for that have already started...

Oh to be August, when I can legitimately put all educational pursuits behind me forever!