Tu ne passes pas!

It's that time of year again! You know, when I start having nightmares about finals.

In college the dream was that finals had come and there was one class I had forgotten to go to all semester and was now going to fail.

During my first two years of law school the dream changed to me heading home before finals, and wondering why it was that I had forgotten to take my finals, and for some reason I could not go back and take them.

This year, that dream now has a French twist. You see, until this morning I had no idea what my finals schedule WAS. Even though finals start the week after next.They aren't the best with the planning ahead business here... So last night I had a dream that I went home and told my parents they never emailed us the schedule because I didn't have to take any finals. Then I worried she would send me the schedule after my return and I'd have to fly back to France over Christmas break and take them. I think at some point she did send the schedule but I couldn't read it. It was so frustrating and upsetting because I didn't know what dates I should buy my plane tickets for to fly back and take my stupid finals.

Hopefully now that I have my schedule I won't have these dreams any more. I'll probably have them intermittently until after my first final. That is usually how it goes.

Moment of sincerity? Today was somewhat of an emotional day for me. See coming to a different country and speaking a foreign language is hard, in case you didn't know. I have been really frustrated for a lot of reasons regarding this difficulty, and usually it is when I'm at church. I don't like that, but I have never felt more alone than I do every Sunday. It isn't that the people aren't nice to me, people say hello and smile and kiss me on the cheek and ask how my week was. It is hard to explain. I've just tried to remind myself that this is the same gospel and church I attend in America, and mostly I just focus on when we sing a hymn, because hymns are easy. It has also been really difficult not being able to go to the temple. I love the temple. A lot.

I have felt so drained. So last Sunday when the Relief Society President told me they would be having a get together Friday night at 7 PM I considered not going. After all, my French courses don't end until 8 anyway, and I'd get to the church at 8:15 PM and who knows how many people would be left by then?

Well you know how it goes. The time when you don't want to pray is when you need to pray the most. The time when you don't want to go to the Relief Society meeting is when you really need to go. So I went, and I am so glad I did. We were just making Christmas cards, so now I have glitter on me even though I didn't even use it, but it was fun! The Relief Society president had made cinnamon rolls and wanted me to try them and tell her what I thought (because they don't really have those here in France. They have variations, but not anything like what we call a cinnamon roll in the U.S.) As I was leaving she told me I had to take some cake home and packaged some up for me and I just had a moment where I got that feeling. That feeling you get when you feel happy and loved and not alone.

For the record, I am really happy I came here. The only way I would regret this decision is if the plane had crashed and I had died before this semester actually happened. It has really been a great experience. I don't really know how else to end this except to say that I know that God answers prayers. Here is a picture of Versailles.


Brian & Kyla said…
I'm glad you had such a good night with the R.S.! I know I can relate. It's when I don't want to go to R.S. activities, and then I do, that I'm always happy I did. Hang in there!!
Who me?! said…
So bad news, those dreams never go away. I still have them and I haven't been to college forever. my fav is dreaming of going to HS to visit and they tell me I have to take a class again because there was a mistake and I didn't graduate. And the final is today! And I had forgotten to go to the class. And I keep crying, "but I went to college!"

Glad you're loving France, and having to go back during Christmas wouldn't be all that bad...:)
Anonymous said…
I think that I really love your RS Pres. You are doing fabulous things with your life and I am jealous that you are so brave and I never was. You must belong to your dad. I can hardly wait to see you again and hear all of your stories without our terrible internet connection making you sound like the adults in a peanuts cartoon. I love you and I am so proud of you. Love, Mom
Lindsey Hubble said…
You're AMAZING!!! Still so blessed and grateful I had you and Kyla dear as roommates! Love and miss you girl! Call me soon. Can't wait to hear about everything!!! Enjoy the last little bit :) love ya!

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