La Jocond: Or How to see Everything you Want at the Louvre in One Visit
Okay before I get to anything else I have to give a plug to the TV show Fringe. First of all, not enough people are watching it, which has been true from the beginning. They've scraped their way into a fourth season. Some say that new viewers can hop on to this season and it'll be fine. I think that is a load of garbage. You have to watch it from the beginning or you won't care as much. I just caught up on the first four episodes of this season and the ending of the last episode left me overjoyed. A feeling I would not have had if I had not been following Fringe from the beginning. It is still an excellent show though.You need to watch it. If you ever watched and loved the X Files, then Fringe is totally for you. If you didn't, try something new for crying out loud! Fringe, Fridays on Fox. Do it, or ELSE! Now, moving on...
Tell me, why do the French insist on translating EVERYTHING into "French?" I mean, Mona Lisa, it's a name. Didn't Nat King Cole say so? Yet, in French she is La Jocond. Also, I've been reading Harry Potter in French. The first book (instead of being The Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone) is A L’École Des Sorciers which translates to "At the School of Wizards." Not so strange I suppose, but wait, there's more. Muggle, in French, is Moldu, and Hogwarts is Poudlard. THOSE AREN'T EVEN REAL WORDS!!! Why change them? The French can be so silly.
Anyway, I went to the Louvre. This is what you must know about me, inefficiency is my nemesis. Now, the Louvre is big (kings used to live there you know) so there is no possible way you can see everything all at once. I did want to catch a few certain pieces of art. The trick is, not to stare at the art for forever. I mean, I don't really understand the point of that. This isn't Harry Potter. The paintings aren't moving. Take a moment, take it in, snap a picture, take another moment then move on. I picked up a map and planned my route to see everything I wanted to see. I headed towards the apartments of Napoleon III and checked out some amazing statues on the way. The apartments were magnificent, gaudy, and gorgeous all at once. It made me wish I had lived back then... well maybe not THEN, Napoleon III was kind of a joke. Maybe before him. In other luxurious apartments. I was also going against the flow of traffic and all these large groups of tourists were blocking my way, so all of my concert going "get to the front by the time the band I care about is onstage" prowess came in handy. Thank you rock music.
Afterwards I decided to go check out the Mona Lisa because even though I knew she was going to be small and it would be crowded and kind of a "disappointment" I thought, "well it's kind of lame to come to the Louvre and NOT see her. I mean, when will I get this chance ever again?" So I consulted my map and saw that there was some other artwork I wanted to see on the way, namely the painting of the crowing of Napoleon (the legit one) and his Empress. So I walked through a lot of Greek art, and French art, and Italian art (can we just pause a moment and talk about how Italian art is better than French art. It just is). There was a lot of the Virgin Mary with the baby Jesus in painting and sculpture, and I somehow went the wrong way and was not in the right wing to see Napoleon. I was almost to La Jocond however, so I checked my watch (it was 5 PM and the Louvre closes at 5:30) and decided I had time to get to Mona Lisa and get back to see the Emperor and his lady, as well as check out the Venus de Milo. I forged onward and there was Mona, and you know what? I was not disappointed. Maybe because I was well aware that she wasn't going to be some giant painting. The picture was larger than Catherine de Medici's painting, so, there's that. Anyway, there were a few other great paintings in the room with her, and I let Liam take a photo with her to commemorate the trip. Then I headed back over to Napolean, and lo and behold, another favorite of mine was right next to it. Although the name is momentarily escaping me, which I find annoying, but it is a woman in the midst of a Roman battle. You know the one.. Then I headed over to Venus, and let Liam take a picture with her too, although she was wildly inappropriate. Topless AND armless. I still had time to get to Ancient Egypt, which had the Sphynx but the rest was totally lame because it was just brick walls. I'd suggest paying extra for the ticket to get into the exhibit with the clothing of the Chinese emperors instead. The brick walls were not worth it.
That is how I saw every piece of art I wanted to in one afternoon at the Louvre.
Tell me, why do the French insist on translating EVERYTHING into "French?" I mean, Mona Lisa, it's a name. Didn't Nat King Cole say so? Yet, in French she is La Jocond. Also, I've been reading Harry Potter in French. The first book (instead of being The Philosopher's/Sorcerer's Stone) is A L’École Des Sorciers which translates to "At the School of Wizards." Not so strange I suppose, but wait, there's more. Muggle, in French, is Moldu, and Hogwarts is Poudlard. THOSE AREN'T EVEN REAL WORDS!!! Why change them? The French can be so silly.
Anyway, I went to the Louvre. This is what you must know about me, inefficiency is my nemesis. Now, the Louvre is big (kings used to live there you know) so there is no possible way you can see everything all at once. I did want to catch a few certain pieces of art. The trick is, not to stare at the art for forever. I mean, I don't really understand the point of that. This isn't Harry Potter. The paintings aren't moving. Take a moment, take it in, snap a picture, take another moment then move on. I picked up a map and planned my route to see everything I wanted to see. I headed towards the apartments of Napoleon III and checked out some amazing statues on the way. The apartments were magnificent, gaudy, and gorgeous all at once. It made me wish I had lived back then... well maybe not THEN, Napoleon III was kind of a joke. Maybe before him. In other luxurious apartments. I was also going against the flow of traffic and all these large groups of tourists were blocking my way, so all of my concert going "get to the front by the time the band I care about is onstage" prowess came in handy. Thank you rock music.
Afterwards I decided to go check out the Mona Lisa because even though I knew she was going to be small and it would be crowded and kind of a "disappointment" I thought, "well it's kind of lame to come to the Louvre and NOT see her. I mean, when will I get this chance ever again?" So I consulted my map and saw that there was some other artwork I wanted to see on the way, namely the painting of the crowing of Napoleon (the legit one) and his Empress. So I walked through a lot of Greek art, and French art, and Italian art (can we just pause a moment and talk about how Italian art is better than French art. It just is). There was a lot of the Virgin Mary with the baby Jesus in painting and sculpture, and I somehow went the wrong way and was not in the right wing to see Napoleon. I was almost to La Jocond however, so I checked my watch (it was 5 PM and the Louvre closes at 5:30) and decided I had time to get to Mona Lisa and get back to see the Emperor and his lady, as well as check out the Venus de Milo. I forged onward and there was Mona, and you know what? I was not disappointed. Maybe because I was well aware that she wasn't going to be some giant painting. The picture was larger than Catherine de Medici's painting, so, there's that. Anyway, there were a few other great paintings in the room with her, and I let Liam take a photo with her to commemorate the trip. Then I headed back over to Napolean, and lo and behold, another favorite of mine was right next to it. Although the name is momentarily escaping me, which I find annoying, but it is a woman in the midst of a Roman battle. You know the one.. Then I headed over to Venus, and let Liam take a picture with her too, although she was wildly inappropriate. Topless AND armless. I still had time to get to Ancient Egypt, which had the Sphynx but the rest was totally lame because it was just brick walls. I'd suggest paying extra for the ticket to get into the exhibit with the clothing of the Chinese emperors instead. The brick walls were not worth it.
That is how I saw every piece of art I wanted to in one afternoon at the Louvre.
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Also, Fringe. Yes. Big fan.