We've Got to Save Ginny Weasley from the Basilisk

You know when you lose feeling in a limb; typically one would say, " my [insert limb here] has fallen asleep." Well I've decided that phrase is a euphemism. Think about it. You have cut off the flow of blood to that limb, as though you have stopped your heart from beating. What has happened is attempted limb manslaughter (not murder, since I think usually there is no malice aforethought.)

Well for some reason, this year I have experienced an inordinate amount of attempted arm manslaughter in the middle of the night. I end up falling asleep in a weird position, which ends up with my body cutting off blood flow to one or both of my arms. This happened last night. I forced myself to sit up so my arms could hang at my side, allowing blood to rush into my arms.

Have you ever noticed your arm feels swollen during the attempted manslaughter? Like it is about ten times larger than its normal size? I remember waking up one night a few years ago and realizing that I had engaged in attempted arm manslaughter. As I attempted to push myself up to a sitting position with mostly dead arms I thought, "this must be how Harry Potter felt when he had all the bone removed from his arm." I think of that every time now.

I mean my arm feels like I could just flop it around and it would bend like rubber. Then it starts tingling as blood flow resumes, and my arms start aching terribly. Eventually I feel like they have shrunk back to their normal size, but as I lay back down in a position that would allow blood flow to continue, my arms continue to throb and I worry the mere act will slow the blood flow enough to enable my arms to be manslaughtered once again. Except now that I realize that that is a possibility, and I do it anyway, well, I feel that would up the charge to second degree murder.

The point being, law school has ruined my perception of everything.

Comments

Regan said…
That was great. I think law school can do that to you - I know it's ruined Casey, too. I think any occupation can do it, though - I see substance abuse everywhere now. :-)
dances alone said…
this is hilarious. thank you so much lindsey for being amazing and sharing it.
this happens to my arm as well, and I ALWAYS think of harry potter's boneless arm. My reaction is not to sit up, however, but to flop my arm down as quickly as possible because my fear is that it will fall off. I'm not sure how that works, but whenever it happens i wake in a panic that if i don't fix the situation in that very instant, i will lose my arm. so i throw it down and wait to see if it detaches. so weird.
Megkran said…
Love it. Once I woke up in college with my arm asleep. I thought to myself "Oh, no! A snake!" It looked all snake like I guess in the dead of night. Good times... Then I found twenty dollars.

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