Greetings from Vermont and a Moment with Henry: Forget and Not Slow Down

I got back to Vermont last night, unpacked, and thought about how I wanted to be in AZ.
Alas alack, here I am. In the library.
I lost an hour of my life trying to get the new faster wireless internet to work on my computer (I'd like to light this laptop on fire.) Now I need to read for International Human Rights Law, Corporations, and Legal Ethics (my classes for tomorrow.)
I've gotten one more grade back so far. Still waiting on four more.
I hope this semester is less stressful. I hope it still flies by so I can go home in May and be there for the summer.

Dear Vermont, you are a beautiful place. Coming out here has been so healthy for me for so many reasons. I think of who I was a year ago. Angry and bitter. Still too heartbroken to comprehend. I am not that anymore and I know that coming here helped me a lot. I don't truly love you though. You are not now, and never will be home. I don't miss you when I'm gone, and I dread coming back. Much of this is not your fault, law school is really hard and that is what I associate with you. I'm sure if I were here for any other reason, or if circumstances had been different when I left and came here I wouldn't feel this way. (Of course, if circumstances were different, I wouldn't be here, now would I?) So please, don't hold it against me when I say that even though it's still a year and a half away, I'm looking forward to not being an east coaster any more.
Wonderful experience? Yes. Glad I did it? Yes. Ready to move on? Yes.
West is the best.

How many times can I push it aside?
Is it time I befriended all the ghosts of all the things that haunt me most
so they leave me alone?
Move on with my life.
Be certain the steps of left and right don't fight the direction of upright.

I'd rather forget and not slow down
than gather regret for the things I can't change now.
If I become what I can't accept,
resurrect the saint from within the wretch.
Pour over me and wash my hands of it.

It's time to decide which is out of my mind.
Cause it'll be me unless I put some thoughts to rest and leave some faults behind.
I'll wash the glint in my eye
Shine up the spring in my step
And it could be blinding depending on the amount of You that I reflect.

Cause I could spend my life just tryin' to sift through
what I could've done better
but what good do "what ifs?" do?
Oh oh
Oh oh
There's something I should tell you now:

I'd rather forget and not slow down,
than gather regret for the things I can't change now.
If I've become what I can't accept
resurrect the saint from within the wretch.
Pour over me and wash my hands
pour over me and wash my hands...

cause I could spend my life just tryin' to sift through what I could have done better
but what good do "what ifs?" do?
Oh oh
oh oh
there's something I should tell you
oh oh,
oh oh
there's something I should tell you now.

I'd rather forget and not slow down
than gather regret for what I can't change now.
If I've become what I cannot accept
resurrect the saint within the wretch.

I'd rather forget and not slow down
than gather regret for the things I can't change now.
If I've become what I can't accept
resurrect the saint from within the wretch (2x)

Resurrect, resurrect.

Pour over me and wash my hands
pour over me and wash my hands of it.

I love Relient K. I love that Matthew Theissen can be like a modern day Isaiah with his lyrics by talking to and about three people at once, and one of those people is always God.
Happy New Year folks. I'll try to update regularly... but... you know.
Law school and all that.

Comments

Madalynn said…
We miss you and Alicia too. ):
Regan said…
We really should spend time together this semester. Your letter to Vermont is almost exactly words I've said in tears since being back in Vermont for 6 days. We can maybe make the miserable winter a little more fun?
dances alone said…
I'm glad you went to vermont and have had all the neat experiences you have; it gives me courage to go somewhere too.
I loved your long post and love your friendship even more. We should talk soon
i'm sooo glad you played the guitar!! keep it up!
seeing you is still on my list of goals, i will try to make it happen. the car isn't mine to sell though :(
you are beautiful

Popular posts from this blog

How my Heart Has Longed for You

When Life Gives You Lemons

Late Night Musings: On Love