Is Patience Still Waiting?
So, I know I haven't given any law school updates, and I've got a few thoughts on this subject, so here it goes.
I heard back from five schools pretty rapidly. Three yeses, one no, and one no that initially seemed like a yes (that one was so terribly confusing.) Then came the waiting for the last four schools. My mom sent me one letter that should get here today or tomorrow, and I have a feeling the answer from them is going to be no. Then, today, I received an email from BYU saying..........
I'd been wait listed.
Its funny because I never really intended to go to BYU, I didn't really even want to think about it. I knew I had come back to Provo, and that that has really been such a good decision, but I recognized that I cling to things that I really ought to let go of. So, BYU would not be any place I would want to be any longer. Over the last month however I began wondering, "what if BYU is the best school you get into? You're not going to go to a lower ranked school are you?" Then I began to think that getting into BYU would mean, "this is the place you need to be." I didn't know how that made me feel.
Recently something interesting and good happened to me. Its left me feeling a lot of different things, and my thoughts and feelings and ideas on it change about twice a minute. Its all sort of very tiring and I don't really know what is supposed to happen at this point. I've felt kind of drained by my inherent capability to worry, but things have actually been mostly okay. Basically, it gave me an entire paradigm shift on my previous thoughts of fleeing Provo, again, this time, for good.
Those of you who read this blog may have differing religious ideologies. Some may not believe in God or any sort of Divine Being. Some may see Him as a distant figure in your life, there, but, well, not really.
I see my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ as having direct involvement in my life at all times. I know They love me and They want me to be happy and They do many things for my good. Lately, I think that I mostly just wanted God to make this decision easy for me. Just make BYU the best school I get into as a way to say to me that I shouldn't go anywhere else, as a way of saying, "this is your plan.". I think I mostly just want that anytime I need to make a decision. This wait listing is a stark reminder to me that most of the time, the Lord gives me good options and just wants me to make a decision. This decision, like any other I could make, is going to have long term consequences. I have to decide. I have to move forward, I have to stop waiting for God to plan everything for me.
I feel like Indiana Jones about ready to take that leap of faith. I have to put my foot out and fall forward before I can recognize the bridge that is there to keep me from spiraling to my death.
Of course, I am still waiting to hear from two more schools, but, my decision time will be here soon.