They Say That What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Who We Are

I got sick of looking at my failure. Today has been a weird day. I have random thoughts floating through my head and I don't really know how to sum them up...

The pumpkin party is on Saturday, and I am extremely excited for that. Everyone must come and pumpkin their little hearts out.

Hmm... today I've been thinking about things. Thinking how its so funny how life can change so quickly, in an instant, but we have to keep living life. Then I think its funny how the mind can play tricks on you. So you think you've moved on past something. The problem is that there are some things you don't want to move past, but you should. Then you think that things have worked out, but then you realize they haven't, and there isn't too much you can do about it. All we can do is keep breathing... and living, because just breathing in and of itself is not a very fulfilling life.

Probably that entire paragraph didn't make sense. I'm almost done with my undergrad. I have no idea what I am going to do with myself for the next little while. I've decided I'll retake the LSAT in February. When its come to preparing for law school I have felt that I really need to get more life experience under my belt. Some life experience that'll look really good on a resume. I just need to figure out what that life experience is (France definitely figures in there somewhere.) The time has come to grow up a little bit I guess. I have never wanted to be the kind of person that was afraid to get out of Provo if I was graduating and single, without any real idea of what I was going to be doing for the next bit, even though it is scary, I think its what is needed. Maybe I'll come back here for law school. But I think I need a non Provo existence for a bit to discover some things about myself that I am trapped from discovering here. Sometimes the life you live gets a stranglehold upon you.

Basically, I know exactly why I'm afraid to leave Provo, and I need to get over it, because I don't want to let it hold me back, which is what will happen if I stay here in January. So now I just need to find a job.

I feel like this post is long and not making sense.




Here is a picture to spice things up... I've listened to a ton of songs today in which I've just been like, yeah, thats how it is you know? Thats how I feel! I think I'm going to post one now... I've been trying to decide which one. I think I've settled on one.

I've been sneaking out your back door

Since I can't remember when

Thinking about the world I didn't know

(And how I wanted it)

But now I'm fighting in the thick of it

And feeling so alone

I take a chance, just one more chance

To get me anywhere

It's like I'm running down every road but home

And now I'm running

I'm moving too fast

So we would know

And where I'm headed to

It's nobody's guess

So here we go

So here we go

I saw the map like any other would

Looking to find and follow lines

That led me to questions

But I can see it in the symmetry

It's what was really always meant to be

The singularity is clear from the distance

So I'm dying here to fall in love with home

And now I'm running

I'm moving too fast

So here we go

And where I'm headed to

It's nobody's guess

So here we go

So here we go

Staring into mirrors

Lost in my design

Leaving dreams and wait for signs

You will always find me when I run away

So I will not slow down

Until I make it back into your arms this time

And now I'm running

I'm moving too fast

So here we go

And where I'm headed to

It's nobody's guess

So here we go

And now I'm running

I'm moving too fast

So here we go

And where I'm headed to

You don't have to guess

So here we go

I'm headed home

I'm headed home

Sorry this post is so long and random. Props if you read the whole thing.

Comments

trentathon said…
leaving provo is a good thing. you most likely will not regret it. [note the proper word strength]
Mom said…
I read the whole thing! I love you. This is not really a comment.
Kristin said…
pumpkin party pumpkin party pumpkin party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bukran said…
The world outside of Provo ain't so bad.

Just don't come to Michigan looking for a job!

(Actually, I got a callback for an interview today--I'm really excited)
Alirara said…
i didn't feel like signing in
but I read the whole thing so I think i should get a medal or something! leaving provo would be good we could do it together and get away frfom retarded weather.

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