Devastation and Reform

My mom bugged me to update, and I said I would after my sister did, but then my sister did... so here it goes.
Do you ever have a period in your life that you wish you could take back and do over again? Now that you've seen the outcome, there are things you would do different, say different, have acted on? I am enduring that right now.
Don't get me wrong. I know I have a great life and I am grateful for it. The blessing of hindsight is that next time you'll learn from your mistakes and do better. That doesn't necessarily mean that you enjoy enduring the mistakes you already made once though. One of my favorite lines from the movie 13 Going on 30 is when her mom tells her she doesn't regret her mistakes because she gets the chance to make them right. I just hope I get to do that.
I was looking back at old blog posts and remembering the things that were happening in my life, and things I wanted to have happen that didn't. There was a lot of stuff I didn't mention in my blog, but I remember them, and I got those achy pokey spikes reading old posts and thinking about how things didn't work out.
Meh, well, for this holiday weekend Heidi and I are going on a little trip and I am way excited, I need to get out of Provo for the weekend and let time heal some wounds, and we'll see what I can do when I get back. Sorry this post is so depressing. Here is a Sondre Lerche song that expresses my thoughts fairly well. It is appropriately entitled, Stupid Memory.
All alone in pink
All the carpets fade to grey
Amplifiers burst out the deal that I have made
What's there to say I cannot say by myself?
Thinking about writing it down seems pretentious
And helplessness may be the word they nail to my name in a while
Stupid memory
Must you bring up these things?
Stupid memory
Can I forget all of that? All of that crap
All embarrassment
In addition to the talk
In each crowded court there's a spot where I fall in love and short on public demand
There are no words they can't hear
Stupid memory
Must you bring up these things?
Stupid memory Can I forget all of that?
All of that crap
I think I forced a smile upon her mouth
I know I dreamt that, hollowness aside
everyone's a winner if the stadium is right
But rarely anything good comes out
Oh yo! Memory!
Must you bring up these things?
Only stupid words
Make me forget all of that
Stupid memory
Can I forget all that crap?
Stupid memory
Can I forget all of that?

Comments

CSchramm said…
Where are you guys even going?
CSchramm said…
Sorry you had a horrible time in HI because of me. I know that's what you are referring to .....
Lil Renny said…
Little Chelmy, don't you know that is the time I miss most of all? We are going to Idaho (I think)
Mom said…
Making mistakes and learning from them is what we do here in this life. Learn not to be too hard on yourself because everyone has been in that situation that we look back on and know we should have handled it differently, but it is too late. Sometimes those memories pop into my head from years ago, and I cringe. The wonderful thing is that we know that Heavenly Father knows our hearts. So, keep your heart right and the older you get, hopefully you learn how to act in difficult situations. Unfortunately, I am perpetually young, so it is taking me longer to get things right.
Have fun this weekend, and you two girls be careful. I love you.
trb48 said…
I totally can relate to your post. I have had several periods in my life that I wish that I could take back. I think that all of my "down-points" dealt with girls. For some reason I am no longer rational when I find a girl that I like.

But, there are some points in my life that I would not trade anything for. Well, maybe if I could give up a really good point for all of the bad ones, then maybe.

I tell you what, it is nice to be out of Provo. I think that I am mostly happy to be away from my old job...
Bukran said…
J'adore le printemps!=

I adore temporary printing in French?
alirara said…
when i think of things i don't want to remember i say "shutup!" then i feel silly but any ways I never want to read your blog when you post songs cuz i'd rather listen to them andthat's the truth :{) That's a guy with a mustache
chelsea said…
I want a post about your sweet road trip within two weeks of you getting back.

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